The fuel gauge is in the red
and the leisure batteries are low
The elsan's brimming over
but my bladder still says go

The day light's fading quickly
I'm on a countdown clock
My solar power's dipping
and there's something round my prop

I've a dwindling kindling pile
And I'm getting low on coal
I've burnt all of the tow path talks
And used all of my toilet roll

I double dip t bags
Have pot noodles for my tea
Though my gas is on the blink
And it's ever so draughty

I'm living on the edge
At the end of my gang plank
I'm running out of water
and my cider's all been drank

You may think that it sounds rough
With no hot water on demand
And patchy phone reception
No proper WiFi nor broadband

But the benefits trump the hardships
I'm more happy and healthy
I wouldn't swop for mortar and brick
It's a boater's life for me

December brings our year to an end with short days and cold nights as we enjoy warming comfort food, stove top slow cooking and traditional seasonal ingredients. It also allows a time of reflection and nostalgia, with the hope for a good new year to come for all.

Our big day mains this year will be traditional roast Turkey and a Squash Cranberry and Mushroom Wellington. I always put half a lemon, half an onion, bay and rosemary inside the turkey cavity and some of the stuffing mix into the neck end. Then carefully ease under that skin to smear on the butter with added black pepper, garlic and herbs and to keep that moisture in. I don’t add salt as it can dry the flesh, but instead, sprinkle some sea salt flakes over the skin towards the end of cooking. The gravy will be made in advance, then the extra meat juices added on the day. There are lots of “get ahead gravy” recipes out there, but the best one by far is made by roasting chicken wings with onion, carrot, celery and bacon along with herbs such as bay, rosemary and sage. Drizzle with oil, season and roast in the oven (or over the stove) for an hour, then mash it all up, add a good glug of sherry or port and thicken with flour and boiling water or stock, strain through a sieve pushing as much as possible through with the back of a spoon. This will keep in the fridge for a few days or freeze until required when the meat cooking juices can be added.

Some lovely appetiser recipes can be easily made in advance, using ready-made puff pastry to make a simple tart using seasonal combinations of ingredients such as brie and cranberry, stilton and walnut, beetroot and goats cheese, sausage and leek, brie and black grape, honey glazed parsnip with potato and rosemary, bacon and mushroom with cheddar, smoked salmon trimmings with beaten egg and finely grated parmesan or gruyere…………………the list is endless! Simply roll out the sheet onto a floured surface, cut into squares or rounds, then score about an inch in around the edges, egg wash the edges for colour, top with whatever you like (precook the potato, sausage, onion etc. in a little oil and seasoning in a frying pan) and bake in a hot oven.

Serve these with a crunchy seasonal slaw or a cucumber and pomegranate salad. If you don’t want to make your own coleslaw then use shop bought and add a different twist by squeezing in some orange juice and zest, adding cranberries, walnuts, or even salted nuts and some freshly chopped parsley.

Another quick and easy appetiser is little individual mousses, served with a side of salad and a light dressing.

QUICK TUNA MOUSSE  (makes 4 individual portions)
1 tin tuna, drained weight 75g
2 eggs, beaten
1 tbsp milk
4 tbsp mayonnaise
125g grated cheddar cheese
½ small red onion, finely chopped
pinch salt and pepper
Lemon wedges to serve

Mix all the ingredients and spoon into buttered individual ramekins pots or use a muffin tin. Bake in a hot oven for approximately 30 to 40 minutes. Serve with lemon wedges and a salad garnish.

SMOKED SALMON AND BOURSIN TERRINE
Smoked salmon is a seasonal treat and this SMOKED SALMON AND BOURSIN TERRINE is perfect for this time of year.
500g smoked salmon
½ cucumber, halved lengthways and seeds scooped out
80g pack garlic and herb Boursin
200 ml tub crème fraiche
2 tbsp freshly chopped dill
1 tbsp horseradish

Mix together the Boursin, crème fraiche and dill, season, cover and chill. Line a 2lb loaf tin with cling film, leaving some hanging over the sides, then neatly line the base and side with the pieces of smoked salmon in two layers. Use a vegetable peeler to slice the cucumber lengthways into thin strips and arrange half on top of the salmon in the base of the tin. Spoon half the Boursin and dill mixture over the cucumber, smooth the top over with the back of a spoon, then arrange some more salmon pieces over the top, followed by the remaining cucumber slices. Add the remaining cheese mixture over the top and smooth over. Top with a final two layers of smoked salmon and then use the overhanging cling film to cover the terrine. Weigh it down to compact the terrine and chill for at least two hours. Unwrap the terrine and turn out onto a flat surface, carefully peel off the clingfilm and cut into slices to serve.

Another favourite is a BLUE CHEESE AND WALNUT WHIP served with crunchy vegetables or sliced avocado and crusty toasted bread. Also delicious served with crispy roasted parsnip spears. 75g soft blue cheese such as Roquefort or Gorgonzola 150 ml mayonnaise juice of 1 lime 8 – 10 walnut halves, chopped into small pieces 100 ml double cream or crème fraiche ½ tsp minced garlic pinch salt and pepper

Whisk the cheese and mayonnaise together until well combined, then add in the other ingredients to form a smooth whip consistency. Keep chilled until ready to serve.

Time saving stuffing can be made by using shop bought dried mix and adding onions, apples, nuts, dried fruit and fresh herbs. The zest and juice of a fresh lemon and some finely chopped shallots and sage leaves are the perfect combination for a stuffing to serve with turkey.

A simple STUFFING ROLL will compliment most roasts and can be made in advance. Place a rectangular piece of baking paper on a baking tray and line it with streaky bacon. Top with a thin compact layer of sausage meat, finely chopped onions, apples, herbs (such as sage, parsley and thyme) and cranberries. Roll up into an oblong shape with the paper, wrap tightly in foil and bake for about 30 minutes. Up to this stage can be done in advance, then remove the foil and cook a little longer until browned on the edges.

GAMMON COOKED IN GINGER BEER works really well, and can even be cooked in a lidded pot over the stove, low and slow is the best way.
Soak first in cold water for 8 to 24 hours, changing the water once or twice. If you don’t soak you can bring it to the boil in a large pan of water, then strain and rinse with clean water before the main cooking process. Or if you prefer a saltier taste then don’t soak at all.

This ginger ale recipe is an old passed down family recipe:
Mix together 2 tbsp soft brown dark sugar, 1 tbsp mustard powder and 1 tbsp ginger powder. Rub the flesh of the gammon with half the mixture and place in a lidded pan or pot, pour the ginger beer in the pot to cover most of the meat and cook slowly over the stove. Add a bay leaf and star anise for extra flavour. Once cooked, take the fatty rind off the top, score the flesh and rub the rest of the mixture over, finish off in the oven to crisp up.

BUTTERNUT SQUASH WELLINGTON
1 butternut squash, peeled
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
10g fresh sage leaves, finely chopped
150g chestnut mushrooms, diced
150g pack cooked whole chestnuts, roughly chopped
50g dried cranberries
1 slice of bread, blitzed into crumbs
1 egg, beaten
500g block puff pastry,
flour for dusting
85g cheese, such as goat’s or parmesan, finely grated

Preheat the oven to 180 fan, Cut the squash into thirds along its length, then cut each piece into 6 – 8 chunky wedges, de-seed, toss in oil, season, roast for 35 mins, set aside to cool.
Meanwhile, gently fry the onion in a little oil until softened, add the garlic and sage, followed by the mushrooms, stir in the chestnuts and cranberries and continue to cook until any liquid has evaporated.
Remove from the heat, stir in the breadcrumbs and half the beaten egg, set aside to cool. To assemble, cut off a third of the pastry and roll out to a rectangle (about 18 x 26cm) and arrange the roasted squash down the length of the pastry, leaving 3cm border around the edges.
Stir the goat’s cheese through the mushroom stuffing and season. Then pack the stuffing on top of the squash to create a rounded log shape. Roll out the remaining pastry on a floured worktop until large enough to cover the top of the wellington. Brush the border around the squash with the beaten egg, then place the second sheet of pastry over the top, press the edges together with a fork, and trim off any remaining bits to make shapes to place over the top, sticking on with more egg wash, brush all over with the remaining egg wash.
By chilling the assembled wellington for an hour before cooking, better results are achieved.
Bake for about 30 to 40 mins until the pastry is golden. To get ahead, the assembled wellington can be frozen prior to cooking, cook from frozen allowing a little extra time.

To Finish

STEAMED PEAR AND CHESTNUT SPONGE Cooked on the stove top. Cooking time for this is 1 ½ hours on a low heat in a pan filled half way up with water, it may take longer over the stove.
3 conference pears
1 large knob of butter, plus extra for greasing
1 tbsp brown sugar
100g butter
100g caster sugar
finely grated zest of two oranges
2 eggs
100g self-raising flour, sifted
Pinch salt
1 tsp grated nutmeg
75g cooked and peeled chestnuts, roughly chopped
2 tbsp golden syrup
1 tbsp black treacle

Use a heatproof 1 ½ pint bowl or pudding basin, lightly butter the edges and dust with a little flour.

Peel, halve and core the pears, then dice into small pieces. Melt the butter in a pan and allow to bubble before adding the pears and brown sugar, allow soften and slowly caramelise to brown. Allow to cool.
To make the sponge, beat the butter and caster sugar together with the orange zest, until fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, then stir in the combined flour, salt and nutmeg. Work together the golden syrup and treacle, spoon into the prepared pudding basin along with 1/3 of the caramelised pears. Combine the remaining pears with the sponge mix and then spoon into the basin. Cover with buttered greaseproof paper and foil. Place the basin in a lidded of pan of boiling water and cook over the stove for up to two hours. Peep at the pudding after about 1 ½ hours, you’ll know when it’s cooked when the sponge top is firm and leaving the edges of the bowl.
Serve with crème fraiche, custard or cream.

For a final festive note, here’s hoping everyone stays warm and safe this winter and embraces the beauty of our outdoors, whether it be those murky grey short days, or the brighter crispy clear days, when we look forward to the new year to come and the hope of peace, kindness and joy.</span></span>

Across the years

In my early days of canal mania, I used to visit one particular stretch of the Leeds and Liverpool canal rather a lot, with friends, or sometimes alone. This stretch is the lockless pound that winds its way through stunning Pennine scenery from the bottom lock at Bank Newton (on the outskirts of Skipton, North Yorkshire) – to the bottom lock at Greenberfield - on the outskirts of Barnoldswick in Lancashire.

map from Nicholson’s Waterways Guide 5 – North West & Pennines

From these various visits, two specific (and contrasting) memories stand out:

The first was on a beautiful summer’s day when my partner and I simply didn’t want to leave the place where we were, even though it was getting late and dark. But the moon was bright and the night air so warm and balmy, that we seriously considered just lying down on the lush towpath turf, and spending the night there under the moon and stars. It was so very tempting but, in the end, realising that we had in no way prepared for an overnight stay, we made our silent way home - but not until I had photographed the dramatically silhouetted copse on Copy Hill, just across to the west from beneath the bottom lock.

The second occasion was on a New Year’s Day walk – in the middle of one of the coldest winters for years, and with a heavy overnight snowfall in evidence. However, the gritting lorries had done their job, and the roads were clear enough to get to Greenberfield locks. The sun set quickly with it’s brilliant colours and we were reluctant to leave this magical place, despite the cold. Snow and ice gripped everywhere, with everything in a deep freeze. Even the canal itself was frozen over. However, I was keen to get a particular shot of the bottom lock – from the middle of the canal! So I tested the ice, and it seemed solid enough – before making my way into the middle. [WARNING: do NOT try this at home – or on ANY water). With my photograph taken and the walk completed, we returned home, frozen yet happy, with coffee and mince pies to look forward to - and New Year’s Day to look back on!

Skipton and East Marton

It was not until several decades later that I suggested to my new companion that, given a fine summer’s day, we make our way to North Yorkshire to visit the sights of the northernmost stretch of the Leeds & Liverpool canal. Due to the recent drought conditions, all the locks are closed, with the trip boats from Skipton having to venture south-eastwards towards Bingley. We stand in line for a trip on several occasions – only to be barged out of the way by pre-booked end-of–term school children! Nevertheless, Skipton is a delightful town where we refuel on coffee and buy lunch for later. Then we’re off to East Marton, the only canalside hamlet between Bank Newton and Greenberfield locks.

Upon our arrival, I notice that the Cross Keys Inn is boarded up and looking very closed – a great pity. So we take the track down to the canal, passing a farm and a row of beautiful stone-terrace cottages on the way. At the bridge (No.162), there are several boats moored up where the canal towpath and the Pennine Way co-exist for a short distance. Taking the towpath to the north (towards Bank Newton), we are soon out into the open countryside and rolling hills of north Yorkshire. There are blue skies above and green hills and hillocks all around the canal, where nothing moves – except for a single pink kayak, taking advantage of the drought conditions. With no main road for miles around, there is no background sound or hum at all. It is perfectly quiet – like on an Alpine lift, with only the occasional cowbell disturbing the unique silence. But here there are not even cowbells – just a few cows.

But then, as we continue our walk, the highlight of the tour emerges: the TV repeater mast [the only visible sign of modernity] which was in front of us, is now across the canal to our left and then on our right. Before long, it is actually behind us – what’s going on? “The best example of a contour canal in the UK” is what’s going on – a double ‘S’ bend. Better even (in my opinion) than the contour bends on the southern Oxford canal*, as here, near East Marton, you can actually see the canal as it snakes it’s way north – given away by the lines of dry stone walls, and the occasional walker, only a few hundred yards away as the crow flies, yet almost a mile away along the contour-hugging towpath. For the contours are hugging the valley sides beneath the canal, so that you can see straight across the bends. However, it took a photo from a decade earlier to convince my companion that narrowboats actually work this canal – and had done so for a couple of centuries – the motorway of their day!

We reckon that Bank Newton is a stretch too far to walk today, so we unwind the bends on our return to East Marton, passing the TV mast at least three times as we do so. With lunch already consumed, we nevertheless have enough space for a coffee and delicious cake at Abbot’s Harbour Restaurant, next to the stone-terraced cottages. Abbot’s Harbour – so called because Cistercian monks built this house (in the 12^th century) in order to harbour their animals as they were moved between pastures.

To Greenberfield locks

Back in the car, it’s a ten-minute drive to Greenberfield locks, where we arrive just as the locks are opened for a few hours – so we see some boat movement at last. There’s also quite a few people in and around the car-park, where a large caravan provides ice creams and other refreshments - with a Canal & River Trust toilet, not far away: clearly it’s a popular place for a day out. My attention however, swiftly shifts to the bottom lock which I had photographed from the ice several decades earlier. But now, instead of the bitter cold, ice and darkness, is a glorious vista of rolling green hills and valleys and a delightful hump-back bridge, its arch picked out in white (no.158). We cross it, and walk on a bit further, towards a signpost for the witches of Pendle – and the Yorkshire-Lancashire border, which we cross before turning back. For I have a further photo to take – of the copse on Copy Hill – to compare how it had fared in the four decades since I last captured it on film.

The sun had shone all day and, having enjoyed the best part of the day amid the tranquil countryside of the northern Leeds & Liverpool we are sad to say goodbye as, Satnav at the ready, we prepare to exchange the serenity of motorways from time past, for the frenetic and furious motorways of time present.

James Adams

author: ‘The Curious Incident of the Bacon Butty, a Broken Tiller and a Mid-life Crisis’

website: www.jamesadams616.co.uk

* primarily at Wormleighton: Nicholson’s Waterways Guide 1: Grand Union, Oxford & the South East

“If they don’t get us some more grease in the stores I reckon I’ll be usin’ old marge from the canteen on them locks,” Lou said as he stepped inside the small brick cottage that sat a few hundred yards from the canal bridge.

“And a very good afternoon to you,” his wife replied with a wry smile. “I’ve had a nice warming stew on most of the day so it’s not all bad. I knows you do what you can even if it’s a losing battle.”

“I’d not be saying all’s lost, not after this afternoon,” Lou replied as he hung his old wide brimmed hat by the front door.

“When you’ve been with the company and then the board for so long Lou, you know what they’re like. You was sayin’ you weren’t retirin’ because they’d not replace you when you do,” his wife frowned. “So something’s raised your spirits… You want to tell me what it is?”

“Tell you what Ruby,” Lou smiled. “That stew of yours has fair got to me. I’ll set the table and we can talk over tea.”

The cottage was small but Ruby was sufficiently house proud to keep it beautiful enough to be homely but not so well kept that her husband of several decades was frightened of making it look untidy as he set about spreading a linen cloth, mats and the relevant cutlery out whilst she filled two brown glazed bowls with a meal that was a firm favourite of both of them.

“Just the job,” Lou smiled as he sampled a spoonful. “The weather’s pickin’ up but it still chills as I make my way back.”

“So what’s this thing that’s made you so happy this afternoon?” Ruby asked.

“I’d heard as them enthusiasts were planning something to make the board think twice before they go shuttin’ canals down like bloomin’ Beeching’s done with the railways,” Lou replied.

“Rail did enough damage to our folk,” Ruby frowned. “And them enthusiasts are always full of talk, with them sayin’ they’re going to do trade and all. How do you get a loaded pair down a pound that ain’t got no water in it, that’s what I’d like to know.”

“Right under their noses that’s how,” Lou almost chuckled. “Right under their noses… Shallow draught boat, see.”

“And how do they carry coal or steel on that un?” Ruby frowned again at the teasing.

“I’d just finished greasing the last lock before I came over here,” Lou replied. “Met up wi’ this pair that were acting a bit furtive like. Turns out they weren’t just joyridin’,”

“You can’t be sayin’ this were the cargo boat the board’s doing its best to stop carrying anything along the canal,” Ruby said.

“I am that and all,” Lou laughed. “Easy enough to lower the pound a few inch. Just enough to scupper the chances of a loaded pair making any headway. You can’t hide a pair of seventy footers but you can do with a little boat. I mean specially if they don’t even know it’s there.”

“So, tell me about these two,” Ruby replied. “What makes you so interested.”

“Them’s the next generation alright,” Lou continued, finishing the last spoonful of his stew. “Little boat, not much more than a rowing boat with a cabin, around fifteen or so feet I’d say. Lad and a lass… No funny business mind. They’re too busy learning the ropes and working their cargo to where it has to go.”

“How old?” Ruby asked. “You have to know what you’re at to carry a load. What’s they carrying anyway?”

“Watches made by them communists,” Lou smiled. “Like handmade but the guys making them need to sell a few so they can make more. All organised by the enthusiasts. So it ain’t a big box but it’s worth about as much as fifty tons of coal.”

“Sounds a bit dodgy,” Ruby said as she poured a mug of tea for her husband. “Not smugglin’ is it?”

“All legal and above board but the board as runs the canals have no idea this is the workboat the enthusiasts are backing,” Lou replied. “They was picked by the guy that was going to do the job because he did his hip a mischief.”

“Sounds like they’re playing at it all the same, like a free holiday,” Ruby frowned.

“I was thinking that but they have other reasons to lay low. I thought they were a pair of runaways from school at first, and they were pretty guarded when I spoke to them,” Lou continued. “That’s their business and they’d be on the right side of any battles they have, I’d bet my hat on it.”

“That young,” Ruby said slowly.

“That young indeed and they’re as honest as they are fresh face,” Lou replied. “If I weren’t looking at a pair of proper young boaters there I’d eat my boots. The lad fixed the boat up with his own hands, and the lass… Well she may speak posh but she’s seen any fortune the family had turn to dust. There’s a keenness to that pair that makes me feel that they’ll be doing more than the board can imagine to make the canals live again.”

“So we’re going on their side against the board if we have to?” Ruby asked.

“I will if you will,” Lou replied slowly. “We put the word out to keep what they’re doin’ under wraps and folk’ll help where they can.”

“You old rebel,” Ruby laughed as the couple settled themselves in a pair of old armchairs set in front of the fireplace. “You always was and always will be.”

“I think the little lady needs this old thing,” Lou smiled, picking up an old windlass that had sat for too long as a fireside ornament. “If she be usin’ the ones the board sells, the lass’ll tear her young hands to bits and that’d never do for a young boater now would it.”

It happens in Hungerford once a month, on a Thursday morning from April to October. The towpath of the Kennet and Avon canal comes alive with the chit chat and laughter of a group of 12 to16 men and women who have volunteered to work together as part of MET – Mike’s Environmental Team.

The Mike in question is the Revd. Mike Saunders, vicar of St. Lawrence’s church, Hungerford, and about half his team are volunteers from the congregation and half are non-churchgoers passionate about their environment.

Empowered by bacon butties (it seems that men will do almost anything for a bacon butty and a hot drink!), the team spends hours along the towpath, making life more pleasant for walkers and boaters alike.

They have painted three locks and three swing bridges, spread tons of gravel along the towpath, and cut back metres of intrusive vegetation. They have also planted 7,000 trees for local farmers.

Those who use the canal and towpath are an important part of life in Hungerford. The canal was built alongside the church and several members, including the vicar and his wife Alison, serve as Waterways Chaplains, offering to anyone they meet a listening ear, support, advice or information, if needed.

The vicar can be contacted by ringing 01488 208341 or found at the church or nearby Vicarage.

When Christina Evans ordered a brand-new Sail-away from Collingwood Boat Builders of Liverpool, she expected an easy handover. “I thought ‘delivery included’ meant the boat would arrive at my garden mooring,” she laughs now.

But canal life in 2025 is rarely simple. Water shortages, breaches, and unexpected closures are part of the modern landscape.
“No problem,” she thought. “Hesford Marine is only 3.5 miles away - Collingwood can road-deliver and launch there.”

Unfortunately, that plan sank immediately: the New Year’s Day breach had closed the Bridgewater Canal, making that short route inaccessible. “Delivery included” now meant her 60-foot, flat-bottomed shell, christened Fried Pussycat, was left floating in Salthouse Dock, Liverpool.

Plan B seemed more promising: navigate home via the new canal link from Salthouse Dock, up the Leeds & Liverpool Canal, then loop round to the Bridgewater. But drought had other ideas. At the Leigh Arm, low water halted progress. A waterway once designed to carry coal and cotton in all weathers could no longer float a boat in summer - a stark sign of climate instability.

That left Plan C: a daunting open-water route from Salthouse Dock, through Brunswick Dock, out onto the tidal River Mersey, then inland again via Eastham Lock, the Manchester Ship Canal, and Pomona Lock. This passage was built for commercial ships, not canal shells.

“With this being the only option, I suddenly had to plan a sea passage - thirty miles of obstacles between me and home,” Christina recalls. “Where do I even start?”

She had no knowledge of tidal navigation, no experienced friends to call on, and no idea about the mountain of permissions, licences, and marine safety rules ahead. “Every single stage was a battle,” she says. “Unanswered emails, phones that only worked certain days - it felt like organising a military operation.”

On top of the red tape, every stage depended on weather and tides. If conditions on the Mersey weren’t right, nothing could move. Thankfully, the ladies at Liverpool Marina in Brunswick Dock schooled her in the mysteries of tides, currents, and high water.

Before departure, the boat had to be certified seaworthy - a tall order for a shell designed for canals. Surveyor John Pope bent over backwards, even coming out on a Bank Holiday Sunday. He declared Fried Pussycat Seaworthy on the understanding Christina obtained an anchor for the journey.

Christina scrambled to gather BWW keys, barge poles, and mandatory safety kit. With Liverpool Marina’s Bluepoint team, she secured an anchor - custom-built at the last minute.
Every authority involved - Canal & River Trust, Peel Ports, Bridgewater Canal Company, Liverpool Marina, Bluepoint, and Collingwood - warned her never to attempt the Mersey alone. So she found and enlisted world-renowned Mersey pilot Stuart Wood, who reshuffled his diary to guide her.

On 27th August, wearing her “She Believed She Could So She Did” jumper, Christina set off with friends Jon and Angie for moral support, and Stuart guiding the black and red Fried Pussycat.
The Mersey was merciless. “The empty shell bucked on the waves like a biscuit tin in a storm,” she remembers. But grit - and Stuart’s expertise - carried her safely to Eastham.

Once inside the Ship Canal, the challenges were far from over. At each enormous commercial lock, the surge of water tossed the wide beam about like a toy.

At Eastham Lock, the first entry point from the Mersey, Fried Pussycat was thrown against the walls as the lock filled, her flat bottom slamming into the swell.

On arrival at Ellesmere Port Basin (which closed the day prior - you guessed it - due to low water) Christina’s eldest son Vincent took the tiller through a long, wet Thursday.

Latchford Lock, was a breeze, smooth and pretty simple with the assistance of Peel Port engineers.

At Barton Lock the vast chambers dwarfed the boat. The turbulence from the gates opening rolled her side to side, forcing constant corrections on the tiller.

By the time she reached Irlam Lock, fatigue set in. The endless heaving swell in each cavernous lock tested her nerve as much as her balance.

Finally, at the Mode Wheel Lock near Salford, the last barrier before Pomona, the flood of water surged so violently that Fried Pussycat slammed from side to side, a final reminder of how unsuitable a canal shell is for such waters.

After enjoying the Salford Quays landscape Fried Pussycat reached Pomona on Friday. There, she briefly grounded on low water - another reminder of Britain’s fragile canals - before finally slipping through Pomona Lock into the Bridgewater.

Only after surviving this gauntlet of locks could Christina and her crew breathe a sigh of relief as they re-entered the comparative calm of the Bridgewater Canal.

Ninety minutes later, Fried Pussycat nosed into Oldfield Quays, where bacon butties and family cheers turned an ordeal into a triumph.

What should have been a 3.5-mile hop had become a 3.5-day odyssey.

What began as a simple delivery had evolved into a modern canal epic, shaped by bureaucracy, climate pressures, and crumbling infrastructure. Christina’s journey is proof that global warming is not an abstract idea, but a force reshaping Britain’s waterways.

What began as a simple delivery had evolved into a modern canal epic, shaped by bureaucracy, climate pressures, and crumbling infrastructure. Christina’s journey is proof that global warming is not an abstract idea, but a force reshaping Britain’s waterways.

Against the odds, Christina’s persistence, problem-solving, and sheer determination carried her through. She arrived wearing her other jumper - this one declaring: “Christina: The Woman Who Can Do Everything.”

I am writing this on board Dawntreader with wind and rain lashing down like it had gone out of fashion in the last few months, water dripping in from somewhere and the BBC issuing storm warnings for this evening. After what was the best summer since 1976 and sadly, I had to miss most of it – more of that later - just deal with here and now as always.

• First job: remove all the bungee cords that make lowering the canopy down in the summer easy, and replace them with bolt rope – it's just a nautical term for rope below say 5 mm - or lashings if you prefer, but the idea is to strap that canopy down as tight as possible, bungees allow far to much movement which shakes the stitching to bits. I even use a rope on canopy supports that ties down to the engine bay in case wind gets under it and lifts it.
• Next get some 50 :50 waterproof PVA glue and water and squirt this around the hand rail fastenings, which have duly dried out leaving a nice gap for water to drip through screw holes, and of course the vents which are mounted on wooden circles. Plus anywhere else that one thinks could leak. The beauty with this trick is that rain will allow pva to creep into anything and eventually thicken up and set.
• A couple of springs running from fore deck to aft mooring post will stop or lessen surging which puts a huge strain on mooring lines and cleats – I've noticed so many boats don’t seem to do this and wonder why their lines pull out.
• Clean all sliding window gutters and the stupid so called drains that are supposed to let water out, although the drip strips I fitted ages ago help.

So the season started fantastically hot and dry, the Kennet and Avon almost resembling the Mediterranean !! But it soon became problematic, as water levels started to drop significantly.

The biggest issue was the outboard blocking with clay silt as the prop was almost screwing itself along the bottom. I have to use a long shaft engine as it needs to be below the hull depth (draught) to get enough water to stop cavitation ( where the prop spins in a vacuum and the bubbles eat chunks out of it ). Worse than that, it's now in the path of anything that may be lurking just below the surface, stirred up nicely by what ever has gone before me.

The answer was a prop guard, which I think all outboards ought to have as the only thing stopping your engine from exploding as it goes from 2000 rpm to zero in a fraction of a second is a 5mm pin designed hopefully to break if you do hit something ( shear pins ) but you only need to blow two or three of these on a trip to the pub to ruin an afternoon.

The next problem was the sheer heat inside, which made Burma look positively cool. Before I could really go anywhere, I was chucking buckets of canal water over the boat in an attempt to cool it down. On the bright side, my insulation must work as inside was at least 12 degrees warmer than out !! On the down side, though, things dried out to such an extent that the hatches in the floor of the cockpit shrunk and wouldn’t latch. At one point I even disconnected the solar panels, as battery lights were green almost continuously, even though I do have a regulator that in theory only allows a certain charge in... (Never trust gadgets they have an inbuilt sod it up function!)

When I was young sailing around the east coast, which is renowned for one thing - Mud !!!! proper thick goo that gets everywhere, I almost blew my outboard up. As the tide went out, I started stirring the mud up and of course being water cooled it could only go one place – straight up the cooling pipes where it started to coagulate nicely in the cylinder head waterways blocking everything! Sods law dictates that if it can go wrong it will, and at the most inopportune moment. And that’s exactly what happened to Dawntreader, stuck in the entrance to the marina with steam issuing out of her exhaust ( I really must fit a simple engine temperature gauge as no one looks back at their outboard to check cooling water) – mercifully the electric was rigged and we made it in – there being an excellent advert for electric propulsion. After a blast through with a hose pipe and after removing a gunked up thermostat, there was no real damage - but it could have been far worse.

So sadly, as water levels dropped even further and reports came in of canals being closed, the boat, like so many and perhaps what most are already, became a floating -just! static caravan. Still it was nice to sleep in the cockpit and look at stars and walk down to the canal side pub.

Autumn has made an early appearance this year and is eagerly showing off that bumper crop of fruits and berries, thanks to the Spring sunshine and dry Summer weather, for which the waterways weren’t so thankful!

The blackberries and elderberries generously gave us those juicy dark antioxidant rich fruits to add to our chutneys and jams, teas and syrups. Then those sweet wild plums for our crumbles, the sloes and damsons for more preserves, gins and vodkas. Now the pears, apples and crab apples are at their best, all high in pectin to help jam set.

I made blackberry vinegar this year, simply by steeping blackberries, just covered in apple cider vinegar for 5 days then straining the vinegar off and bottling, keeping the blackberries in a jar to use with salads. You can also make plum or damson vinegar.

Crab apples can usually be found along our hedgerows and although recommended to use after the first frost they are early this year. They pickle well and make a great “cheats marmalade” or fruit jelly. For fruit jellies there is very little preparation, no peeling or coring, just roughly chop and place in a pan, only just covering with water, gently bring to the boil and simmer for an hour, strain the juice through a t towel, it may take a while, then measure equal grams of sugar to mls of liquid, bring to the boil to reduce and reach setting point and jar in sterilised warm jars.

It's also the time of year for those wholesome and hearty soups and casseroles we all love, home baking with warming spices of cinnamon and ginger, and the celebrated pumpkin season. The squash family is most commonly known for butternut squash and those bright orange pumpkins, both equally versatile for any recipe calling for pumpkin or squash. Root vegetables are earthy and full of goodness, along with squashes and sweet potatoes they are perfect for slow cooking and roasting. Not forgetting the family of pulses, all those varieties of beans, lentils and chick peas marry perfectly with many spices to give us more versatile and heart-warming dishes.

Mushroom season is also upon us, hopefully more damp weather will help them along.
I’m sharing some delicious Autumn recipes with you, celebrating the wonderful fruit and vegetable season, but there are many more, along with some preserves recipes in previous Autumn editions which you can find by clicking at the bottom of the page, or follow me on my Canal Cuisine Facebook Page.

A whole butternut squash, cut into cubes (not necessary to peel) and tossed in a good quality vegetable oil with a couple of teaspoons of curry powder, then roasted in the oven will keep in the fridge to use in various recipes. It can even be enjoyed cold, with a salad of greens, seeds and blue cheese. The following three dishes can be created from one squash. Don’t forget to reserve those seeds, they are full of nutty nutrition, simply rinse, dry and toast in a pan with a little oil, they will keep in a jar for a few days.

ROAST PUMPKIN AND COCONUT SOUP

Roast the pumpkin or butternut squash cubes in the oven with a coating of oil and 1 tsp curry powder until cooked through and crispy on the outside, just under half a squash will do. Meanwhile gently fry 1 chopped onion, just until softened not browned, add 2 chopped garlic cloves, ½ tsp ground cumin, ½ tsp turmeric and a pinch of cinnamon. Add a tin of coconut milk and gently simmer for a few minutes. Allow to cool slightly before blitzing to a smooth consistency, add a little water if a thinner soup is preferred. Top with toasted seeds and a pinch of chilli flakes.

QUINOA, PUMPKIN AND PICKLED RED ONION SALAD

Cook the quinoa as per instruction. Be sure to rinse well in cold water before cooking, as with all grains and dried pulses. The rule of thumb is two parts water to one part grains, bring the water to boil, add the quinoa, stir, cover and leave for 20 mins.

For the red onion, finely slice 1 red onion and then gently boil with 4 tbsp white wine or cider vinegar, 4 tbsp water and pinch salt, allow to cool.

Fluff the quinoa up with a fork and add the spicy roasted pumpkin cubes, pickled red onion and freshly chopped mint, coriander or parsley.

Add some toasted chopped hazelnuts for extra texture.

This is delicious alone, with a flatbread and dip or an aromatic tagine dish.

CARROT FALAFEL WITH QUICK PICKLED RED ONION

For the falafel (makes 10)
100g carrots grated
1 tin chick peas well drained
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp cumin seeds
½ tsp ground coriander
½ tsp salt
1 tsp chilli flakes
Handful fresh coriander, mint or parsley
1 generous tbsp gram flour or cornflour

Blitz everything together, except the gram flour, in a mini chopper or food processor. Add the gram flour and firm together into small balls. Chill for at least half an hour before frying in a little oil, or roasting in the oven until crispy on the outside.
Enjoy with the red onion, flat breads, crisp salad and a humous or yoghurt dip.
Try a white bean and mango humous, by smashing some drained, tinned white beans and stirring in some mango chutney.

MOROCCAN CHICKEN AND SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE

This is an easy one pot recipe which can be used with either sweet potato, squash or chick peas, it’s entirely up to personal preference. Finish it with freshly torn mint or coriander and crumbled feta or natural yoghurt. Serve with couscous or flatbread.

4 boneless chicken thighs or breast fillets, cut into pieces
3 tbsp olive oil
2 onions,
1 roughly chopped,
1 sliced 2 tbsp tomato puree
3 garlic cloves
thumb size piece ginger, roughly chopped
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp each ground cumin and coriander
¼ tsp each cinnamon and paprika
2 or 3 sweet potatoes, about 300g, peeled and cut into pieces
1 tin chopped tomatoes
400ml stock
2 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
100g sultanas

Season the chicken well and using a flameproof casserole pan fry in 2 tbsp of the oil, just to brown on all sides, lift out and place to one side. Whizz the chopped onion, ginger, garlic and tomato puree to form a paste. Add the remaining oil to the pan and fry the sliced onion until soft, then add the spices and fry for no more than 1 minute, add the paste and continue to fry for a few minutes. Return the chicken to the pan, along with the sweet potato, tinned tomatoes, stock, sugar and vinegar. Bring to a simmer and continue to cook for about 30 minutes or so, adding the sultanas towards the end.

SLOW COOKED PORK WITH APPLE AND SAGE DUMPLINGS

Delicious served with greens and apple mash. Gently soften a peeled and diced apple in a pan with a little butter for a few minutes, then add to the cooked drained potatoes to mash.
Most cuts of pork suit this recipe, shoulder or rib work well. Lean diced pork could also be used and will take less cooking time.
Approx 700g pork
1 tbsp plain flour
2 tbsp olive oil
1 carrot,
onion and leek, chopped
3 cloves garlic
2 to 3 potatoes,
about 400g 1 tbsp wholegrain mustard
500ml cider
400ml stock
1 apple, chopped into small pieces

Coat the meat with the flour and season well, using a large casserole dish, fry in the hot oil to sear all sides. Add all the other ingredients, cover and cook slowly, in the oven, or over the stove for about 1 ½ hours until the meat is tender. Add the dumplings for the last 20 minutes.

FOR THE DUMPLINGS

180g self-raising flour
2 tsp freshly chopped sage (or dried)
40g cold butter
100ml milk
pinch salt and pepper
1 medium apple diced

Rub the butter into the flour until breadcrumb consistency. Add the sage and apple and combine with a little cold water to bring together to form a sticky dough. Form into dumplings and nestle on top of the casserole, cook without the lid for the last 20 minutes.

POTATO AND CABBAGE CURRY – MY TAKE ON ALOO PALAK

Aloo Palak is an Indian style potato and spinach curry. I’ve swapped the spinach for cabbage and it works just as well. The use of a lot of oil adds to the richness and makes a great pilaf for the next day with any leftovers, topped with toasted almond flakes and fresh coriander.

100ml rapeseed oil
1tsp each black mustard seeds and cumin seeds
2 small onions, finely chopped
5 cloves garlic, crushed
2 thumb sized pieces of ginger, grated
½ tsp chilli flakes
1 tin tomatoes, chopped
1 heaped tsp each ground cumin and coriander
½ tsp each ground turmeric and chilli powder
1 tsp salt
Approx 400g (2 large) Maris Piper potatoes, peeled and cut into medium sized pieces
Approx 200g (half) cabbage, roughly chopped Generous
squeeze lemon juice to finish

Heat the oil in a large pan, add the mustard and cumin seeds and let sizzle for 1 minute. Add the onions and slowly cook until soft until soft and golden, about 5 minutes. Then add the garlic, ginger and chilli flakes, continue to cook for a couple more minutes. Stir in the spices, tomatoes and salt, cook for another few minutes. Add the potatoes and 200ml warm water, followed by the cabbage, cook with a lid over for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally, remove the lid and cook on a low simmer for a further 10 to 15 minutes to reduce some of the liquid. Finish by stirring through a generous squeeze of lemon juice before serving with rice.

BAKED APPLES AND CUSTARD

This recipe is a combination of comfort food, sweet, fruity and warming with those Autumn spices, the orange zest and cranberry give it that extra special twist.

75g sachet of instant custard powder, made up to 400ml with half and half hot water and cold milk.
4 large Bramley apples
Zest of 1 large orange
50g dried cranberries
1 tsp ground allspice
½ tsp ground ginger
1 tbsp soft brown sugar mixed with pinch cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 160 fan and core the apples leaving a large enough hole at the top for the stuffing. Pour the custard in an ovenproof bowl and place the apples over it. Mix the orange zest, cranberries, allspice and ginger and push into the apple cavity, it doesn’t matter if any falls into the custard. Bake for about 20 minutes, then sprinkle with the sugar and cinnamon mix and return to the oven for a further 15 mins. Serve warm.

APPLE AND RAISIN COOKIES

Quick and easy to make, just 10 minutes in the oven and they are ready. The red skins of the apples add a lovely colour.

100g butter softened
100ml honey
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla essence
100g wholemeal or spelt flour
Pinch each of bicarb and cinnamon
40g raisins or sultanas
100g porridge oats
1 medium red apple, unpeeled, cored and chopped

Pre-heat the oven to 190 fan, grease and line a large baking tray. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, honey, egg and vanilla until smooth. Combine the flour, bicarb and cinnamon, carefully fold into the mixture, then add the raisins, oats and apples Drop the mixture by teaspoonfuls onto the baking tray and bake for 10 minutes. Allow to cool on the tray for a few minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

COUNTRY APPLE CAKE A deliciously moist cake without butter.

5 eggs
200g granulated sugar
100ml vegetable oil
175g plain flour
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp each cinnamon, mixed spice and ground ginger
5 eating apples peeled, cored and diced, about 400g
1 tsp each icing sugar and cinnamon for dusting

Heat the oven to 160 fan and grease and line a deep cake tin, if your tin is too shallow make a few muffins with the extra mixture (less cooking time). Beat the sugar and eggs really well for about 5 minutes until pale and fluffy, pour in the oil and combine. Sieve all the dry ingredients and carefully fold through the mixture to a smooth consistency, finally add the apples. Pour the mixture into the tin and bake for 45 – 50 minutes until firm to touch in the centre. Leave to cool slightly in the tin before turning out onto a cooling wire. Once cool, dust with the icing sugar and cinnamon mix. Enjoy eaten while still warm or cool.

Have a wonderful Autumn season and I’ll have more for you in December, if not before!

Hi - how you doing?
Welcome to this autumn edition of my Canals Online magazine column.
What’s that? How do I know that it’s autumn?
Pretty simple really.
No, it’s not the golden hues of the leaves which are gently tumbling to the ground and clogging up the drains.
Neither is it the noticeable change in temperature, drawing in of the nights or indeed the interminable drizzle.I know that it’s ‘fall’ as our cousins in Trumpton call it because the T.V. schedules are about to change. I was going to say, ‘for the better’, but let’s see how it goes first, eh?
No doubt there’ll be a succession of dark Scandinavia detective dramas, the soaps will go into overdrive and, oh yes, the usual procession of celebrity challenge shows.
Yes, celebrities who are famous purely for having appeared on a previous show such as, ‘I’m A Nonentity, Get Me Out Of Here’, ‘Britain Has No Talent, so we’ve trawled the Asian sub continent to see what dross they class as entertainment’ and the evergreen ‘Strictly What Is The Purpose Of Claudia Winkleman?’

So I had an idea.
Yes, dangerous I know, but hear me out.
With the success of shows such as ‘Canal Boat Diaries’ and the gentle cruising tales of Timothy West and dear old Pru, how about a canal themed game show? A celebrity version of course, purely to boost the ratings and to leave people such as me, well over the age of twenty five, wondering just who the hell these people are.

We could call it, ‘Celebrity Canal Cruise Challenge.’

I can visualise it now.

The winner of SAS, Who Dares Wins, in an ominously black narrowboat fabricated from steel plates welded at odd angles to give it a stealth quality is parachuted into the starting marina, swims a few hundred yards, throws a grappling iron over the stern, scrambles aboard and sets off in the wrong direction as soon as the starting cannon is fired. The producers obviously forgot that he failed the map reading challenge miserably.

Who’s this complaining bitterly that they’ve broken a fingernail trying to untie the mooring rope on the gaily painted vessel with the chintz curtains? It’s a former contestant from Rue Paul’s Drag Race. Obviously their start is now delayed whilst a suitably qualified nail technician is urgently sent for.

Also a non starter at the moment is a former runner up of ‘The Big Painting Challenge’, who has decided to freshen up the castle and roses which were rather inexpertly daubed on the stern cabin doors.

The competitors from ‘Race Across The World,’ haven’t arrived yet. They’re still trying to hitch a lift from Charnock Richard services to the start line.

Love Island entered a team, but their boat, for some strange reason, is rocking like it’s sailing through a hurricane although it’s not moving anywhere.

The contestant from ‘The Fortune Hotel’ has secretly swapped luggage with most of the other contestants and consequently his counterpart from ‘Naked Attraction’ has nowhere to conceal his modesty and is hiding inside the cabin. (Well, it is a bit cold).

Mastermind’s genius may be a wiz with the proclamations of Confucius and Brian Clough, but he’s a right numpty when it comes to a chemical toilet. Don’t go too close - it’s a bit smelly.

One who is underway (in the right direction) is the third placed singer from ‘The Voice.’ Apparently most viewers thought that the result was a fix and that she should have won. Consequently she took to the bottle and various medicinal compounds, so in a show of sympathy she was offered a place on this show on a boat which is now half sunk. For some reason best known to herself she removed the weed hatch (probably not fully understanding the reason for that name) whilst making her way to the first check point at the aptly named ‘Drunken Sailor’ public house.

Slightly in front is the winner of MasterChef, now firmly wedged across the canal after mistaking a slight gap in the vegetation on the bank for a winding hole and attempting to turn about. His soggy bottom is now firmly wedged in the silt.

Way out in front though is the woman who is famous purely for bonking a Premier League footballer who is extremely famous in his own right. Subsequently she’s been invited on every celebrity challenge show since. Asked about her current success in leading the field she put it down to, ‘years of practice trying to keep ahead of the paparazzi.'

Join us next time when a former MP who spent years making a pratt of himself in Parliament joins the cast to make a right pratt of himself on your telly; a t.v. presenter who no one likes is forced to eat a fisherman’s maggots after a viewers vote, and The World’s Strongest Man tows his cruiser along the towpath because he can’t figure out how to start the engine.

I think it’ll catch on, don’t you?