It's as hot as hell in here
I'm looking for a draught
Got everything wide open
At my bow end and my aft

My fans are on full bore
To try and get a breeze
I'm sucking ice cubes frantically
whilst sitting on frozen peas

I think I'm gonna ignite,
If I don't get a gust
I really need to chill out
Or I'll spontaneously combust

My feet resemble trotters
My face is rather red
My sun hat's made of leather
Think I'm going to boil my head

I'm glowing like a beacon
and dripping beads of sweat
I'm feeling rather moist but
my wipes are no longer wet

I've drank my weight in water
I've googled what that means
I'll die from hyponatremia
If I can't cool my beans

I've had an ice cold shower
Though I really don't know why
Got hotter with towel rubbing
When I should've just dripped dry

I need to stand in water
but there's a big hole in my bucket
I think I'll just jump into the cut
'Cos there's nothing else for it