There's a fly inside my boat
It's driving me to distraction
I've turned into a woman possessed
Hell bent on its extraction

I've politely asked it to go
Teased it up the window frame
But when it reaches the top
It just flies back in again

I've shown it a rolled magazine
I eshew the daily news papers
I've threatened it with Raid
But I don't really like the vapours

I've gone at it with a carving knife
Shown my best karate chops
Hovered above with the tissue box,
Slammed slippers and flip flops

I've enticed it towards a web
But the spider is asleep
I'll have to evict him as well
Not deserving of his upkeep

I'm not sure what the attraction is
Why it's decided to come indoors ?
I hear flies like carbon dioxide
And human salty pores

They are also attracted to bins
And surfaces with crumbs

And the sweet smell of ripe fruit
And rotting vegetables

I keep my boat clear of these
And have all the home remedies
With herbs hung in my openings
Spraying all bare extremities

I've tried zappers, candles and screens
And still it won't clear off
Goodness now it's got a friend
A giant hawkwinged moth!

With a spider that's gone into hiding
A buzzing drone in my ear
Now a flappy lepidoptera
Just 'Get me out of here'