It’s a beautiful, wonderful canal morning – not that many of the other boat-users would appreciate this as it’s only 4.00am – and we must be off within the hour! We set off precisely at 5.00am. It’s a quiet, misty, even mystical morning as the sun starts to peep through the rising mist and distant trees - and as Errwood cuts through the water, her engine humming. Bosley is slightly delayed but is only a few minutes behind.

For me, it’s one of the most enjoyable and invigorating aspects of canal cruising – as the occasional moorhen scuttles into the reeds, sensing our approach. As the low sunshine filters through the lightening sky, it feels good to be alive! The ‘spare’ skippers in the bows seem almost redundant, as one tricky bend after another is negotiated with ease, as we press on to catch up on time we lost the previous day.

We then arrive at a single lock, which Dave quickly deals with, before he races on to raise the Norton Green Lift Bridge which we glide through, before waiting to pick him up. By now I notice that some of the kids are awake, and a couple have even come around to the back galley – presumably to get breakfast started. Our next task is to navigate Long Butts Lift Bridge. I pull the bow close into the side, for Dave to hop off, run ahead and lift the bridge. We glide through as before – and wait for Dave to lower the bridge and rejoin us. We seem to have got these lift bridges sorted – but on this occasion Dave remains on the other side of the canal, trying to lower the bridge, but with little success.

He calls out to me:

“It went up alright, but I can’t lower it – it’s stuck!” which means that Dave is also stuck on the other side, and unable to get back to the boat. But he is a big, muscular guy, so I hold the boat steady to give him more time. Just then the waft of cooked bacon reaches me from the galley below. I can see that Dave is still struggling so I call out to him that I will reverse up, to let him step aboard, leaving the lift bridge ‘up’ – which Bosley (behind) can use in a few minutes time. So I put Errwood into full reverse, to go and collect Dave.

At that precise moment, I feel a tap on my leg from the galley down below – it’s my breakfast! I think it best if I gratefully receive it, rather than risking further taps – or even a yank. I stoop down as I’m handed the crispy bacon sandwich – as the boat continues to reverse. But as I turn round I see that - to my horror - Dave has managed to lower the bridge (several tons of solid steel) and has walked across it. By now Errwood is reversing fast towards the lowered steel bridge. I immediately throttle the engine forward, to slow the reverse. But too late! The boat keeps reversing, and a collision is inevitable. For a split second I think about trying to fend off the collision with an outstretched leg – but I think the better of it. It was a good call for, as a recent writer puts it:

“A boater’s instinct should be never to risk any part of themselves – hand, arm, leg – being trapped, crushed and mangled between the slow-moving but steam-hammer power of laden boats. This is really the one great danger of canals, (as) I snatched my arm back inboard.” [53a]

Dave and I both watch and wonder what is going to happen . . . . . . First, the back-fender slides under the bridge – so what’s next? THE TILLER! So as the boat continues its way under the heavy steel bridge, the bridge strikes the tiller at its base, then bends the tiller forwards. Next, with A CRACK AND A BANG the tiller shears off at its base, flies through the air, and straight into the galley with a crash!! Dave and I stare at each other in disbelief. Thankfully, no-one in the galley appears to have been hurt; also thankfully, the tiller did not fall into the canal. But I’m in a state of shock, wondering what we do now? And, as cruise leader, what do I do now?

With both boats eventually moored up, the four skippers discuss our next steps. Clearly we need the tiller welded back on to Errwood. So I will find the nearest phone-box to try to arrange that – although it’s only 6.30! Meanwhile, the others will breast up the two boats, using Bosley’s steerage, which will take the boats up to the next lock at Stockton Bridge, where a nearby main road will be useful for a welder to gain access.

Before I leave the scene, I decide to wash down my now lukewarm bacon sandwich with my now lukewarm cup of tea. The kids all think this a great adventure – not realising that their trip to Alton Towers may be in jeopardy.

At the phone box I quickly scan the Yellow Pages for ‘Welders’ and find several names. My initial conversations could have been something from Monty Python or Fawlty Towers:

Me: Hello, I’m needing a welder – urgently!
Welder: Don’t we all sir! Don’t we all!?
Me: How soon can you make it?
Welder: I don’t ‘make’ anything sir – I just weld things together that already exist!
Me: Yes, yes – but I’ve got a tiller that needs welding back on
Welder: Back on where sir?
Me: On a boat of course! What else would you weld a tiller to?
Welder: I don’t know sir. Haven’t thought about it much.
Me: Well think! Please think! When can you come and fix it?
Welder: I’m free a week on Tuesday sir – is that any good to you?
Me: Goodbye! As I slam the receiver down...

Fortunately, after several similar phone-calls, I find a welder who can come to the boat in about two hours time with the welding taking up to an hour. That’s three hours on top of what we’ve already lost. While I’m at the phone box, I do a few swift calculations and then phone the coach company, and ask them to collect us at Cheddleton, at 2.00pm not Froghall. There’s no way we will reach Froghall, but we might just make Cheddleton by then. So that’s agreed, as we wait for the welder to arrive, do his welding - and finish.

Let’s hope that’s the end of our troubles for this particular school canal cruise. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end - it wasn't even the beginning of the end. It was just the end of the beginning of our trials that lay around the ‘next bend’ - and the bend after that . . . . . . . . . . .

Adapted from:

The Curious Incident of the Bacon Butty, a Broken Tiller and a Mid-life Crisis
By: James Adams
Published by: Quantum Dot Press - late Autumn 2026.