My fuel tank is near empty
and my leisure batteries are low
The toilet cassette's brimming over
but my bladder still says 'go'

The day's light is fading quickly
I'm on a countdown clock
My solar power's dipping
and there's something round my prop

I've a dwindling kindling pile
And I'm getting short of coal
I've burnt all of the Tow Path Talks
And run out of toilet roll

I've been double dipping t-bags
Eating pot noodles for my tea
The gas is on the blink
And it's ever so draughty

I'm living on an angle
Sleeping on a tilt
There's little water in the cut
and I'm wallowing in silt

I'm a prisoner on my boat
My gang plank's fallen off
May have to use my barge pole
To vault myself across

Some may think it rough
With no hot water on demand
And patchy phone reception
No WiFi nor broadband

But the benefits trump the hardships
I'm happy and healthy
I won't swap for bricks and mortar
It's a boater's life for me